Sunday, January 31, 2010

The One With My Mom's Addiction to Facebook

Apparently, Facebook is a disease that has afflicted even the older generations.

My Mom is the living proof. Ever since she had discovered the world of facebook, she had left the world of Harlequin romances and cooking shows, and had gone off to delight herself with real life stories of who's married to whom, who's fertilized whose Farmville farms, and who threw a love pillow at whom. Her number of friends is rapidly growing at an alarming exponential rate! I say alarming, since I have a feeling, that given a few more months, she'll have more friends than me... and who would wanna admit that her mother is more popular than her? Turned out, she's searched all her gradeschool and highschool classmates, and each and every one of her and my Dad's relatives.

And who would have guessed that my uncle's 60-year old socially awkward wife, or my 72-year old cat-loving grand-aunt are tech savvies who have facebook profiles?

Truth be told, I don't mind my Mom's rising popularity. What I do mind is logging on to my facebook account, and discovering I've been tagged in some not-so-flattering childhood pictures that she uploaded to amuse our relatives and friends! Apparently, my definition of embarassing is the equivalent of amusing to her. I won't elaborate, but suffice it to say that the pictures have made my husband a believer of the theory of evolution and the ugly duckling story, and left him profusely thanking God for my transformation.

I'm beginning to think my sister was so smart in declining my mother's friend request.

Friday, January 29, 2010

The One With My Supposedly Speeding Ticket

So this morning, on my way to work, I got out of another one of my supposedly speeding tickets.

And contrary to what you might be thinking, no, I didn't bat my eyelashes coquettishly, showed off some cleavage (not that I have a lot to show), nor tried to bribe the officer. I swear! I didn't do anything, except sit quietly and smile nervously.

My husband seems to think it's my sweet, innocent-looking face that fools people into believing that I am, in no way, capable of doing anything wrong. Of course, there's a huge probability that he just wanted to get laid tonight so he'll say anything. But then again, maybe not, because the jerk added that if only people really knew me like he does, they'll know the truth. Even so, he might be on to something. I look pretty angelic, you know. ;-) Just don't come knocking at my door very early on a weekend morning or you'll get the biggest shock of your life.

Anyhoo, so there I was, driving happily while yakking on the phone (I know, I know... I'm horrible), oblivious to the possibility that I might be driving at 75 to 80 miles an hour (who knows for sure?) on a 65 mph speed limit. Out of nowhere, this cop car appeared ( I swear, they've learned their tricks from Harry Potter for being masters of invisibility) and started following me. I knew I was in deep sh*t the minute the dreaded blue and red siren lights started flashing. So I parked my car on the roadside, rolled down my window, and like a kid in a principal's office awaiting nervously for whats's to come, sat quietly and bite my nails until the cop came to my car.

The police came, took one look at me, and said "You know, I'm just gonna let you go. I wasn't sure if it was you or another red car. Just drive carefully, okay?"

So whether I was really speeding or not, we'll never know for sure. All I know is that this is the third time I got pulled over and let go. So either I really have a sweet, innocent-looking face or the gods must be watching over me. In fact, I can brag that I am, TECHNICALLY, a law-abiding citizen, as I have never had any single speeding ticket in the five years I've been driving in the United States.

But... knock on wood. My luck usually runs out after I brag.

Monday, January 25, 2010

The One With My Lack of Organizational Skills

One thing you should know about the Hubby is that he's a freak of nature who's obsessed with organizing every single darn thing. One thing you should know about me is that I'm anything but, yet if I lost or misplaced something, I'd get so frustrated that I end up frustrating everybody around.

We're such a great couple, aren't we?

So last Saturday, when I couldn't find my documents we needed for filing our tax return, disaster naturally ensued. We spent the latter part of the afternoon combing through my files and being frustrated at each other. Him at me, for my lack of organizational skills, and me at him, for adding to my already built-up frustration. Let's just say.... our night ended colder than the freezing weather outside our house. Definitely not the night of endless passion we were originally aiming for!

But there's no argument that a sleepy I'm-sill-mad-but-I-sleep-better-next-to-your-warm-body hug in the middle of the night, a light of a new day or a mutual love for Home and Garden Exhibits can't mend. The following morning, we found ourselves in our usual cuddle position, and cheerfully getting ready for the show. All was forgiven. I was definitely in a better mood, as I even laughed in good humor when he snickered oh-so-loudly at a keychain we saw at the exhibit that has my name and its meaning.

Claudine: a well-organized, proper, and elegant woman.

Friday, January 22, 2010

I am a Woman, Hear Me Roar

You just gotta love these bumper stickers!!!

Well-behaved women rarely make history.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Princess, having sufficient time with prince, seeks frog.

Coffee, chocolate, men. Some things are better rich.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

Next mood swings: 6 minutes.

Warning: I have an ATTITUDE and I know how to use it.

Of course, I don't look busy. I did it right the first time!

You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up.

Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I can't drive a fast car, be a good boss or smoke a cigar. Being strong doesn't mean I'm not feminine and it certainly doesn't make me a bitch.


Thursday, January 21, 2010

Language Lesson

Last week, The Hubby decided to impress me with his 'growing expertise' of my first language , as well as show his romantic side, and sent me a text message...

Pag-ibig sa yo. Ikaw ang aking lahat bagay bagay.

For the first few seconds, I was like, 'Huh?! What?... Love to you? You are my all things things.?' It doesn't make any sense. So obviously googled!

But then, being the smart woman that I can be on occasions that my brain works properly, I figured out what he was trying to say. So I sent him back a message, together with the correct Filipino words.

D- for the grammar, but A+ for the effort.... Iniibig kita (I love you). Ikaw ang lahat sa akin. (You are my everything).

And being the smart-ass that he can be sometimes, he replied with the only sentence he knew that I definitely couldn't dispute the grammar of, one which another smart-ass guy friend of mine decided to teach him while we were all on vacation at Hocking Hills.

Fine, how about this?... Bwisit ka. (You're annoying).

I learned never to criticize the man again. Especially when he only had the best intentions.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Back to Drama Land

I know that I have promised to stop being a drama queen and just delight you with fabulous tales of my extraordinary life, but, guess what?... I lied.

Although I'm happy most of the time, and grateful for having a husband who lets me believe I'm almost always right, an awesome mother who does all my share of domestic chores while enjoying a 'vacation' at my house, a ridiculously cute puppy who stole my heart despite his non-stop chewing and peeing, once a month (or maybe a week a month), my female hormones bite me in the ass and takes me back to Drama Land.

Yesterday, after I came home from work, I hugged my puppy and kissed my husband (in that order), then went upstairs to change my clothes. A few minutes later, I went back downstairs and played with Apollo. Out of the blue, I felt choked up by emotions, and tears started to well up my eyes. But before my husband give me a here-she-goes-again-what-the-heck-have-I-married-into look, I run to the showers and cried my heart out. For some unfathomable reasons, I suddenly felt pathetic giving so much affection to a puppy, when all I really wanted was to spoil a human baby. A baby of my own. A baby that's my flesh and blood.

But no worries. I feel better now that common sense has prevailed and had been comforted by the always reliable Haagen-Dazs. Afterall, if natural means don't work, we'll start our treatment sometime in March. So there's hope. I'm sure of it. In the meantime,there's no law that says I can't enjoy practicing and perfecting the art of making babies. So I intend to enjoy every minute of it. ;-)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

My Bachelorette Days Are So Over

After these past few days, I came to huge realization.

My bachelorette days are finally over.

You'd probably think... 'Duh, she should have realized that 10 months ago when she got married!' And you'd be right. I should have. But basically, I just pretended that I have a lifetime boyfriend or roommate with benefits, so it wasn't such a big deal . Sure, things are a bit different, but my husband is such an awesome guy (I gotta say that in case he reads this blog... which he does from time to time) that he spoils me and lets me do pretty much whatever I want.

But now? Now that I got a puppy? Things are certainly different. Nobody told me it would be this hard! Well, okay... some people did tell me, but I can be the thanks-for-the-advice-but-I-know-what-I'm-doing type of girl, so naturally, I didn't listen. Now, my husband and I have to take turns getting up at 2am and then at 6am, just to let him go potty! Yes, have to, like, have to pay taxes, or have to breathe air! And worser than worst, I can't leave the house for more than four hours, because according to the all-knowing pet experts, it's plain cruelty.

Oh, freedom, my beloved freedom, how I miss you so!

But then again, just as I know it would be, everything's all worth it. Especially when you come home and he starts wagging his tail excitedly. Or when the litle rascal starts responding to the word 'No', or seeing him learn how to climb the stairs by himself.

Who needs 8 hours of sleep anyway? I say, sleep is overrated. Besides, according to my Mom, this is actually a good practice for taking care of her grandchild in the future. Little did she know, she'd be doing a lot of the taking care when it happens.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

A New Addition

Yesterday, the Husband and I welcomed a new addition to our family.

Weighing in at 10 pounds with black fur and dark eyes... is our baby... our baby dog, Apollo! He's a beautiful 8 week old Elkhound/Shepher mix. And like every other proud mommies (except maybe Casey Anthony), I also thought he's the cutest baby in the world. He had me at hello. He looked so sweet and angelic, it was too hard not to fall in love.

Actually, Hubs and I were originally thinking of going to a breeder, since we're very keen on getting a puppy (not a full grown dog). But since we can be softhearted when the mood strikes and advocates of human and animal rights on good days, we decided to check out the shelter first. And what do you know? Staring right at us with those soulful eyes, begging to be picked up and cuddled, was our beautiful puppy. Right then and there, I felt that familiar tug in my heartstring when I met my husband and I saw my wedding dress, he's 'The One.' I just gotta have him.

But... just as I should have learned from my experience with The Hubby and men in general, looks can be deceiving (especially good looks) and first impression isn't always necessarily true. Right after I took him home, and he realized I was already hooked, the little angel turned into a spawn of the devil. He started chewing everything on sight -including my leg, and pooping and peeing all over our brand new carpet. I spent the rest of my afternoon cleaning and chasing after him that I was almost tempted to take him back.

Fortunately for him, I did learn something from my relationships with male. Patience, Chloe, lots of patience. Eventually, he'd learn who's the boss.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Sleepless Night

I had four hours of sleep last night.

I wish I could say that it's all due to some wild, crazy nocturnal extracurricular activities, but unfortunately, it's not. My body just simply refused to relax and get that much needed beauty rest.

At 11pm, I was ready. I turned off the lights after watching some television junk that's proven to acceralate the death of my already aging brain cells, and closed my eyes. Thirty minutes passed. My eyes were still closed, but my mind was off wondering... am I really ready to get a puppy... how am I gonna train him... this is exciting, but it's also frightening... blah, blah, blah. Another 30 minutes passed. Now, my mind had gone off wondering what's the big deal about the Sara Palin's or Paris Hilton's of this world... is there really heaven... why does it snow so much in Cleveland.

I realized I was thinking too much, so I tried to relax. I did the tried and tested counting sheep method, but I have counted hundreds of sheeps, and sleep still eluded me. I read a science paper that was guaranteed to make me fall asleep back in my college years, but still to no avail. I got up and drank milk like my mother used to tell me, and still no luck. I was so tempted to wake The Hubby up for a quick work-out that has, in the past had me sleeping like a baby right after (especially when it's out-of-this-world good) , but I know better than to wake an exhausted man up at 1 o'clock in the morning. Even with the promise of sex.

So in the end, I resorted to the one thing I always had an aversion to. Sleeping pill.

Unfortunately for my co-workers, I got up as the crankiest woman on planet Earth.

Monday, January 11, 2010

They're All Gay

Apparently, all the gorgeous men I lust after are gay.

Just ask my husband.

Hugh Jackman? That hot, gorgeous man with a body to die for?... He's gay!

Jason Statham? That manly man with am amazing six-pack and an oh-so-lovable accent?... He's gay!

Bradley Cooper? That guy whose looks make me quiver, and is so ravishingly delicious in a black outfit?... He's gay!

If only I can say the same thing about Megan Fox or Jessica Biel.

Unfortunately, the thought of that only turns him on more.

(PS. In case you start wondering, and before their lawyers start knocking at my door suing me for defamation... no, those men are not gay... not at all! It's just my husband's way of trying to disillusion me!)

Friday, January 8, 2010

officially working

Cleveland is being hammered with snow. Again. Eight inches of freaking snow.

I swear, if it's not for the Cavaliers (oh... and my husband and my job!), I would have left this cursed city long ago. Four months of continuous snowfall every year? Too long for a tropical gal like me.

But anyhoo... since I am special and my boss loves me enough to let me do anything, I got to work at home today. Never mind that I'm a chemist who needs to work in a lab, I still told people I'm working at home because of the crappy weather. In my defense, I am. I really am! I just finished a reliability report and answered a bunch of job-related emails. I even dragged my lazy butt out of the bed at 7:00 in the morning. Sure, I did log on my facebook and blogger accounts at some point (like right now), but hey, I do that at the office, too! So nothing's really different.

Well... except maybe for a few things. Like writing my report while lying in a jacuzzi tub listening to Michael Buble's latest album. Or watching my vain husband (who got jealous of me and decided to take the day off as well) model some of his new clothes while I was on my short break.
And yeah, I had some wine at lunch. I know, I know. Drinking on the job. Shame on me.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I'm Getting Old

It's official. I'm getting old.

Either my brain had became fully saturated with chemistry information that it's starting to have a hard time keeping old info and absorbing new ideas, or my brain cells are slowly dying of old age (I prefer the first explanation, but my husband teases me it's the latter), because I'm becoming so forgetful. Really forgetful. I've lost 20 dollars last week, it took me forever to find my car keys this morning, and I've set off our home security alarm three times in two months, because... well... I forgot to turn it off before I opened the door!

And, it's usually a woman's thing to remember details of her dates, but I swear my husband remembers more than I do. For new years eve celebration, I told him, "Honey, we should go to Bonefish Grill for dinner. They have really good food! You should try it. " To which he replied, "Babe, I know. I was there with you before, remember?"

I'm starting to be convinced that my Mother's right. If my body's detachable, I'd probably lose it too.

Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, memory loss. I better start taking some Ginkgo.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Hubby: Babe, are you happy with me?
Me: Of course I am. Why do you ask?
Hubby: You seem to be eating a lot lately.
Me (defensively): No, I'm n0t!
Hubby: You just ate a whole apple pie. Are you stressed out or something? I hope you're not stressed out because of me.
Me: No, you don't stress me out.... Aaww... Honey, are you worried about me? (heart melting...)
Him: Yeah, babe. I don't want you to get fat!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Gift Cards

Hubs and I used all the gift cards we received for christmas and went on some serious shopping spree last weekend.

Let me just say, whoever came up with the idea of giftcards is the smartest man/woman who ever existed. I swear, its pure brilliance! I don't have to move my lips in something that resembles a smile anymore, just to show how grateful I am for a purplish floral wallet, or for a yellow sundress I wouldn't be caught dead wearing. With a giftcard, I can actually give a genuine, happy smile in anticipation of the lovely things I would buy with it.

Don't get me wrong. I know it's the thought that counts, and I'm grateful for the thought. Really. Honestly. But I still think it's a waste of money to buy a gift for someone that he/she won't even use. I believe that you should only buy gifts for people that fall under these three categories: people you know so well you can finish their sentences, people who belong to your own generation (and only if they also fall under the first category), and people who gave you their wish lists. If they don't, then give the loving gift of a giftcard. If you feel it's not personal enough, then seal it with a kiss. Trust me, it's a win-win situation. Less work for you, more happiness for them.

As I was saying, Hubs and I went to the mall and used our giftcards. After which, I called my mother-in-law and my aunts, and genuinely thank them for the pair of boots, two coats, a pretty blouse and a pair of jeans they 'bought' for me.

Monday, January 4, 2010

2009 Highlights

I was halfway through my list of New Years resolutions when I realized, 'Who the heck was I kidding?'. Chloie and resolutions don't go very well together. My success rate in keeping them is abolutely low . Zero success, as a matter of fact. I'd start full of enthusiasms, and then, a couple of months later wonder where the enthusiasms went. Sure, I can promise to be the best wife ever, be happy all the time and never nag, but... come on, is there a wife who doesn't? Especially one who's a slave to her emotions? And I can promise to exercise more, but we all know I can find excuses after excuses not to get off my lazy butt. But on my defense, I do latin and belly dances from time to time.

And so this year, I decided to make no resolutions.

Instead, I'll give you the highlights of my previous year.

- Got married. And on days when I'm very happy... smiled endlessly and considered myself very fortunate to have found 'The One'. But on days when Hubs was being a smart ass and won't accept that yourstruly is always right... wondered why I got hitched. Fortunately, those days are few and far between.

- Had an unofficial mini-honeymoon in Chicago. I wish I could say that we never left our room that weekend and had a marathon work-out like normal honeymooners (or at least in movies), unfortunately, I can't. For reason that is... well... not within my control. (I blame Mother Nature for having a poor sense of timing). Poor hubby! But I swear, I did more than make up for his disappointment a week after. ;-) And we still had a great time in that lovely city.

- Built a new house. On days when all bills are paid, and friends ooh-ed and aah-ed at what a nice house it is, smiled proudly, and was grateful to be a homeowner. But on days when bills start to pile up, wondered what the heck were we thinking buying a house this year.

- Went hiking and ziplining at Hocking Hills with friends. Great time! Enough said.

- Went to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina on a one-week vacation with the husband's family. Nice beach and wondeful time. Long drive, though. And a week life with too many people under one roof was a little bit too long for a part time-social person and part time- loner like me.

- Hosted Thanksgiving/ Housewarming party. Had loads of fun, but vowed that the next parties I'll host would be potluck ones.

- Welcomed the big 30 with a smile in my face. With age, comes more wisdom and maturity. So... hello, wisdom and maturity!

- Presented a talk at a conference in San Jose, California and pretended that I've joined the ranks of important people. Also met up with my childhood bestfriend there. For the first time after 18 years!

- Successfully completed two big projects at work. Woot woot! Now, I'm ready for my promotion.

Happy New Year, everyone!!!