What Christmas Means to Me

Like most people, I've always associated the holiday season with family time. It's the one time of the year when you get to see relatives you haven't seen in a long time, give each other gifts, pig-out and just be merry! In the Philippines, it also means waking up at 4:30 every morning starting on the 16th of December until Christmas Eve to attend the Catholic morning mass, with the belief (at least for other people) that if you complete the 9 consecutive days of masses, your wish will come true ( I was never able to complete it though! I'm too lazy to get up early!). It also means church entrances smelling of that delicious delicacy cake; young children caroling at every house every night; and streets, houses and stores completely decked out with lights and decorations.

But Christmas for me, more than anything, means being with my Pops, my Ma, Sis and Bro... the five of us celebrating together.

For 23 years, that was the meaning and reality of my Christmas.

And then I left the Philippines for a graduate school in US.

My first Christmas here was the loneliest one I ever had. Don't get me wrong, I love this country (and especially my Man!), but I was on a foreign soil and miles away from my family for the first time. I was overcame with deep homesickness and was so depressed. I longed for home and for the people I loved most in the world. I wasn't alone as I celebrated the holidays with a bunch of friends, but it just wasn't the same.

Over the course of years, however, I've learned to cope with homesickness and enjoy the holidays better. Especially last year, when I celebrated it with my new family. Fiance's parents had been nothing but wonderful to me. They welcomed me in their home with open arms! He and I had only been dating for a couple of months at that time, but his Mom gave me wonderful gifts and set up a stocking with my name on it. That gesture completely tugged on my heartstrings and touched me. She's such a wonderful woman!

I don't think Christmas will give me that can't-wait-till-christmas-i'm-counting-the days feelings ever again (probably because I'm getting old... although Fiance's still too excited, which amazes me... I mean, at his age!) but I know it will get better and better every year. This year, my sister started her PhD studies here in US, so we get to celebrate the holidays together with Fiance's family. (They're welcoming her, too. Aren't they amazing?) And next year, I'll take Fiance to my home for Christmas and our second wedding ceremony. (Yes, we'll have two! A chapel wedding here for his family and a beach wedding in the Philippines for mine. Both are small and intimate - which I really prefer!). And the year after that? We're hoping that we'll have our 'bundle of joy' who will give more meaning to our Christmases from that year onwards.

Merry Christmas to everybody! I wish you all the best this holiday season!

And to my family (my parents read this from time to time): I miss you all so much!!! Christmas just won't be the same without you, but we'll be there next year! I love you and you'll all be in my thoughts. Enjoy the holidays, Pops, Ma and Bro!