Monday, August 31, 2009

Emotional Wreck

Whenever I write, I try to be as positive as I can. I try to be inspirational, and focus my writing on the brighter side of life. I know how a whiner sounds like, and it's not always pretty.

I apologize in advance because this is not one of those days.

Lately, I've been an emotional wreck. I think it's mostly hormonal, but I'm feeling kinda unhappy and restless.

First of all, I don't think I enjoy my job anymore. I feel like it's becoming stagnant, and that I'm not moving forward. I just don't enjoy my job as I used to. My projects are lacking in excitement and my boss is getting on my nerves. I know it's partly my restlessness nagging at me again, but I do feel that I need to work in a new lab, see new faces... be in a new environment. I want a different kind of challenge. I wish I could just move to a different state, but it's not that easy. We're building a house so I can't just find a job somewhere else (nor my husband can) and relocate. I have to stay and find a job here, but we all know that jobs are few and far between because of the economy.

Secondly, when will our baby come? We've been trying for months now and the roller coaster emotions of being hopeful and then having my hopes crushed every month is draining. I'm trying to relax and not worry too much about it, but it's not always easy.

Anyway, enough of my pathetic whining. I guess I just have to be patient for now, and just look at the bright side of life... Okay, I'll give it a try and remind myself of all my blessings....

Our house is almost done, we should be closing and moving in on the first week of October. I'll be posting pictures soon. It's amazing how fast the progress is! Ryan Homes started building it the middle of July and they'll already be done at the end of next month! Kudos to those guys!

My Mom is coming next month. I'm so excited to see her. I haven't seen her since her last vacation here which was more than two years ago. I think she will help get me out of my crabby disposition. She always know how to deal with me.

I have a husband who is a patient and loving man. He's been very understanding through all my mood swings. Sometimes I feel terrible because I seem to try to push him to the limit, but he still tries. Maybe I really am too independent that living with someone is such a huge adjustment for me. Anyway, I should just be thankful for having him in my life.

And of course, I still have loyal blog friends who continually stick with me through my sporadic writing, and now, through my pathetic whinings. I love you guys!

Friday, August 28, 2009

To Sis

Exactly twenty seven years ago today, a beautiful baby girl was born. Although in my 3 year-old eyes, she was amazing, I was also aware that she's my competition and I will no longer be the sole apple of my parents' eyes.

Growing up, we had a rocky relationship. We loved each other fiercely, but like most kids, fought fiercely as well. We argued over toys, bickered over dresses, and made each other cry with hurtful childish remarks. Despite that, we had each other's back when somebody tries to hurt one of us, and never let anybody come between us. I protected her like a true older sister, and loved her with all my heart. She loved me strongly back, and though she only admitted it years later, I knew she looked up to me as a role model ;-).

We haven't always been together. I left home when I went to college and then left the country for graduate school. Our communication was mostly letters and phone calls, but I was sure that our bond will always be there.

And then a year ago, she also came to the United States to pursue graduate studies. Although we're 4 hours away from each other, we try to see each other every month and talk to each other almost everyday. I've never felt this close to her. It just seems like our bond even became stronger. I feel so blessed to have a sister like her.

She's just wonderful! She's a woman with a strong character. She's petite but she's feisty and determined. I've always admired how she goes after her dreams with such fervor. And she's very smart. All in all, she's just amazing!

So to Sis... happy birthday! I love you so much. I wish you all the best! I have faith that you'll get your doctorate degree with flying colors, and I'm praying that you'll find the right guy soon (",) who will cherish you for all the you are.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Newly Wed Life

No matter how well-prepared or well-equipped you think you might be for a married life, the truth is... nobody ever is. You might get all kinds of advices on how to deal with marriage, but until you experienced it yourself, you'll never know.

Don't get me wrong. I'm very happy, happier than I could ever be, and very much in love with my husband. I enjoy the moments we spend together and love the life we're building together.

But the newly-wed life is truly an adjustment period. It's when you really get to know the other person... what makes him tick, his idiosyncrasies, his little habits, etc; and vice versa. You might have an idea about these before, but after you're married, they become magnified because you now live together. If before you can retreat to your apartment whenever you have an argument and get mad, now you gotta face it and deal with it.

I've known my husband a year and a half before we were married. Although we didn't live together before that, we spent most of our free times - especially weekends - together. I've known him quite well... he never hid anything from me, nor I from him. I've known his every habit as well as his idiosyncrasies. But... I'm a moody person. I wish I could change that, but I can't. My moods affect my way of thinking. When I'm in a good mood, he can tease me about a bad hair day and I won't take offense, he can buy yet another new rim for his beloved sports car and I won't get mad, or we can go to an nth reunion with his family and I would willingly go. But, when I'm in a cranky mood intensified by female hormones, it's a different story. I'd have a low threshold of patience and could get irritated with small things. Before, I'd usually just go home to my apartment and let the feelings subside gradually, but now, I have to try to control my emotions and deal with the irrritation really fast.

Fortunately, I do have a husband who's very patient and who's trying to adjust to my mood swings as best as he can. He's learned to leave me alone when I'm cranky and in a bad mood. He is the sweetest guy I've ever known. Granted that he's a cleanliness freak who loves his cars, drags me to far too many family reunions than I care for, and acts like a big baby at times, he however, does household chores, gives me flowers, takes care of me and loves me to death.

Honestly, I couldn't ask for a better man. I know we're still in the adjustment period, but everyday, it gets better and better. I sure won't trade my life with him for anything in this world!