The Road to Independence

I take pride in being a woman who changes her own light bulbs, makes her own living, knows what she wants, and says what she wanna say. I take pride in being a female who can hold her own in a male-dominated science industry, and who doesn't need a man to complete her, but to complement her. I take pride in being Miss Independent, without making my guy feel unloved and unneeded.

I haven't always been like this, though.

The first twenty four years of my life, I led a somewhat pampered and sheltered existence. My family wasn't rich (far from it!), but I had parents who showered me with so much love and shielded me from the harsh realities of life. My Mom was a housewife who lovingly did the household work for her family, while my Dad took care of all things we couldn't handle. Whenever I have problems or I effed up, I usually just turn to them. All they wanted in return was for me to excel in school, so I spent most of my young life buried in books and studying my butt off. I was a princess who didn't do anything at home, and a crybaby who run to her parents every time something goes wrong. Amazingly, I also turned out to be a sweet child who naively thought the best of everybody, understood my parents' struggle to provide for their kids, and knew the value of every penny.

I had a brief stint of being Miss Independent when I left home for college and lived in the big city. I had a science scholarship with allowance, so I became financially independent, and my parents weren't around, so I learned to be a little more self-reliant. But that only lasted for a couple of years. When both of my siblings entered college, my parents decided to move to the city. I moved with them, and continued to live there even after I graduated and got a good job (it's a cultural thing - you only move out when you're married). I went back to being a princess. It didn't help that I was also surrounded by friends who were always lending a helping hand, and was popular with boys (modesty aside) who were trying to win my affection by catering to my every needs.

For several years, that was the life I knew and led.

So... imagine my shock when I first came to the United States.

I was out of my country for the first time, and thousands of miles away from all the people I love. I had no idea how to cook, do laundry or live in an apartment by myself. I was basically clueless on how to survive on my own! I was homesick, depressed and miserable. I felt like a little baby who was let go in a pool for the first time, struggling to learn how to swim in order not to sink.

But learn, I did.

If there's one thing about me, it's my determination to succeed in every endeavor I choose to partake. I knew I didn't have a choice, so I learned the ins and outs of living by myself. I bought a cookbook of foods I love to eat and studied every recipe. I thoughts of ways to make me feel comfortable sleeping alone in my apartment. I made a conscious effort not to long for my home and my family. I learned to suck it up when things go wrong and I feel like crying.

In the process, I discovered parts of me I didn't even know existed. I realized that I was a fighter and a survivor, who can deal with anything thrown her way... be it the tough challenges of graduate school, the agonies of a broken heart, or the malicious tongues of gossipers and backstabbers pretending to be friends. I realized that I can be a b*tch when I need to be, and can assert myself when I knew I'm right. I didn't lose all my sweetness (Fiance says I'm still a sweetheart... but then again, he's my fiance), but I lost my naivety and my people dependency.

I did meet new friends and dated guys, but I learned to love my own company, and my independence.

Sometimes... so much so, that it scares me a little bit to think of the possibility that I might lose it when I get married.

Fortunately, I have a fiance who love and support the independent side of me and hopefully, will continue to do so.