The One Who Got Away

Overcame with sadness over another failed relationship, my friend started telling me about a guy she used to love when she was younger (her first love), and was wondering how her life turned out to be if she had only met him now. She was so in love with him then (she still thinks he's her Mr. Perfect), but because of long distance and other circumstances that are beyond their control, they had to part ways. It was one of those right-love-at-the-wrong-time stories that make interesting soap operas. Like a good and wise (or at least, I try to be) friend, I told her what I always tell myself: there's no point in living in the past. The past is the past, you have to let it go. Just keep the memories and learn from the experience. Although it's not always clear at that moment, things do work out for the best eventually.

I know it's not uncommon for people to regret a chapter of their lives. Some regret being involved with certain people they knew they shouldn't have gotten involved with in the first place, while others regret letting the one-that-got-away get away. Of the two, the latter is usually harder. The first one is a risk taken and a lesson learned. Missed opportunities, on the other hand, have a way of leaving people restlessly and regretfully wondering 'what if's?'.

Especially... when the other person got away because of their own fear of getting hurt and taking risks!

Take a guy friend of mine, for instance. For a year, he liked this girl, but didn't do anything about it. He was afraid of getting hurt and wanted to be sure he won't. He doesn't have any problem dating other women (there's no emotions involved, so it was easy) but with this woman, he treaded carefully. He waited so long, that in the end, the woman got tired of waiting and chose another guy! When he told me the story, I wanna smack him in the head! (I didn't though since it's clear he wanted to do it himself). The girl obviously liked him, but he's been playing too many games it probably got tiring for her! Now he's totally regretting that missed opportunity.

Okay, I'll confess that I've been the same when I was younger and wasn't so sure of myself. Several years ago, I wanna beat myself up for someone who I thought was 'The One Who Got Away (TOWGA)' ! He was gorgeous, smart, sweet and he treated me like a princess. We got along so well in the beginning, but when I realized I was starting to have some feelings for him, I started backing off and pushing him away. I was terribly hurt and betrayed before I met him, and though, at that time I didn't love the Ex anymore, I couldn't trust my feelings for another guy. Mr. TOWGA was confused, but he sticked around. But then, he made a mistake in telling me about an ex-girlfriend that he had 3 months before he met me, and my mind started wondering if I was a rebound girl. He assured me I wasn't and it's all over between them, but I couldn't risk getting hurt again, so I ended it all up. It was a few weeks later that I realized I blew what might have been a good relationship. For several months, I was plagued with regret and questions of what if, until I finally decided it was enough.

I do admit that I used to be a drama queen who overanalyses things and regret stuff I have or haven't done in the past. Over the years, however, I have learned -and continue to learn- to be the type of person who doesn't look back and regret missed opportunities or things I've done in my previous life. I realized that I am who I am now, because of all my experiences. I don't regret any of the people who came and went in my life (be it friends I lost or guys I dated) because each and everyone of them, somehow, played a role in transforming me into the person I am today.

And the guy who got away? He got away so I could meet Fiance who'd turn out to be the love of my life and the one I will never, ever let get away.

(Sorry, I know I can be too cheesy sometimes!) (",)