Of Rejection and Breaking Up

A friend of mine called me the other day, asking for advice on how to break up with her boyfriend. Things between them are not working out the way she wanted, and she feels that she's not in love with him anymore. The guy however, is the ultimate definition of Mr. Nice and so she feels awful about breaking his heart.

I'm not a relationship guru, but my dating history has some of my friends teasingly dubbing me as the 'break-up expert'. After my first disastrous relationship, I developed a phobia of commitment, and so became a serial dater who run away at the slightest signs of complications. I went through a number of short-term relationships for a few years, until I met Fiance. Now, I'm making the ultimate form of commitment... marriage.

I'd admit that I do have some experiences, but even so, I don't think I've ever learned how to break up or reject a guy's advances without hurting his feelings. You can be brutally honest, or you can break it gently and lie about the real reason of why you don't wanna be with him, but either way, you still hurt him - his feelings or his pride.

Because the bottom line is... rejection sucks!

What I have learned though, is that guys take it in different ways.

There are guys who are man enough to accept your decision graciously without causing a scene or making a big deal out of it. They accept that rejection is a part of life, or that the two of you are not suited for each other (they're probably on the same page as you, you just beat them to it), and then move on with their lives.

There are guys however, who can't take rejection gracefully. Whenever that happens, it only strengthens my conviction that I was right in breaking up! I once dated a guy who, afer we broke up, started speading rumors on how crazy I was in bed, when in reality I never even slept with him! And then there was this guy who deleted me as his Facebook friend because I didn't wanna go out with him!

Over the course of years, I've come to the conclusion that it's usually better to take the honest road when breaking up with or saying No to somebody. It's better to say that you don't feel a connection between the two of you or other ACTUAL reasons why you had to break up, rather than go though the cliches of break-up lines made for the purpose of sparing his feelings. Trust me, guys can actually see through the 'it's not you, it's me' or the 'I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship right now' lies (although in my case, those lines are probably true at that time)! Just be honest. A decent and confident man will respect you more for it.

Actually, I've learned my lesson about lying the hard way when, on a grocery store, I told a guy that I was new in town and didn't have a phone when he asked me for my number. God must have been watching and shaking his head because the moment I said that, my phone started ringing! (Talk about awkward!). I was trying to spare the guy's feelings but I guess, honesty is usually the best policy! (Or maybe I should have used a different excuse ;-) )

Rejection sucks, but it IS a part of life (for both men and women, and in relationship or other aspect of life!). As Bo Bennet said, 'rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.'