Stress Queen

My heart is bleeding right now.

A couple of weeks after I was jumping with joy over the greatest realization that I was pregnant, I was greeted by the news that my cousin's baby died in his wife's womb. The wife was 5 and a half months pregnant when her water broke, forcing her into early delivery. The sad part was that if the incident only happened two weeks later, the baby would have had the chance to survive. As it was, she (aptly named Angelica) didn't stand a chance.

What's even sadder is that I knew how much they wanted that baby. They've been trying for almost 7 years, the last of which were spent in fertility clinics going through IUI's and fertility drugs. They've spent thousands of dollars just to have her! But now, here they are, buying a casket instead of a crib, preparing for a funeral instead of a nursery. My heart bleeds so much for them. I can just imagine the pain and heartache they're going through.

And as someone who's such a Stress Queen (who stresses about being stressed), this predictably had set me into a state of fear. Slight abdominal cramp (possibly imagined) and I start to panic, driving my husband into the brink of utter frustration. The other night I even dreamt that I had a miscarriage, and woke up in the middle of the night crying like a lunatic!I swear off pregnancy books for now, because, my goodness, all they do is stress the heck out of me! Ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, miscarriages... I can definitely live without those thoughts right now.

So instead, here's to happy thoughts... like renewal of vows, endless buffets, Grand Canyon tour, Las Vegas shows, and poolside fun ... all in just a matter of three weeks!!!