I'm a die-hard 'Friends' fanatic. My love for that show is parallel to my love for shopping, watermelon and all things beach-related. I watch the re-runs on TV everytime they're on (which is like, everyday!), even though I own the complete DVD series. (Talk about obsessed!)
But that's not the point of this post.
The point is that, last night, I watched an episode of Friends where Rachel's a-hole but ravishingly yummy, Italian boyfriend made a pass at Phoebe, while she was trying to give him a body massage. This resulted to Phoebe having the obvious dilemna of whether to tell Rachel or not. In the end, she did, Rachel believed her and broke up with her boyfriend, and everything went well.
This of course, brought me to memory lane and reminded me of a kinda similar scenario that happened back in my graduate school days. I say kinda, because the guy didn't make a pass at me (thank God, or I'd be serving jailtime for punching him in the face!), but cheated on a friend of mine with a questionably hot woman... and I caught him! And also because, my life - despite all my prayers and wishful thinking, isn't a TV show or a fairy tale, and that unlike Rachel and Phoebe, things didn't go well between me and my friend after I told her!
Instead, like a true one-lab-accident-from-being-a-supervillain that she turned out to be, she accused me of lying and being jealous because at that time, she's got a boyfriend and I didn't. (Oh women, why are we so complicated?) She completely cut me off from her life and continued dating the guy. But as far as I knew, it only lasted for another month or so, because the next thing I've heard, they've broken up. I can only assume that she found out for herself what a douchebag he really was.
I thought after their break-up, she'd be on her knees begging for forgiveness and telling me that I'm the greatest friend to ever roam planet Earth. No such luck! For a while, I missed her and wondered if I made the right decision, but then thought... wait a minute, if she were my true friend, she would have trusted me and believed that I only had the best intentions!
So, in my early-twenties Drama Queen fashion, I said... Eff it! She can stick our friendship up her royal butt!
What would you do if you we're in my shoes? Would you tell your friend or just let her find out for herself?
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20 comments:
I'd have done exactly what you did, because i think if the situation was reversed I'd expect a friend to tell me.
SE x
I definitely would have told my friend if I'd caught her bf cheating on her. I CANNOT believe she broke up with you instead of him! What a biotch! Obviously, this woman isn't worth your time, and I'm glad you found out when you did. And you did the right thing with telling her! I wouldn't be surprised if you do end up hearing from her eventually. And yes, women are definitely complicated. Why are we like this??!
First, I have to say that my husband and I LOVE Friends. We too, own the dvd's. I would definitely tell my friend. Sometimes, you find out the hard way, who your true friends are. Seriously, why are women (we) like this? It's so not worth it.
I would have definitely told her. If the situation were reversed, I would want to be told. If I later found out that my friend knew and didn't tell me, I would be hurt more. Men come and go but girlfriends should last a lifetime!
i have, thank GOD, never been in that situation. i would tell them, i think...however, with the expectation that i wouldn't be believed. that is SO frustrating. i would believe someone if they told me that and were a true friend. i really cannot believe that she still didn't talk to you after that.
Oooh, I agree with the others! I'd have done EXACTLY the same thing!! Boo, to HER!!
i would have told her, because a true friend cares and wouldnt keep a secret like that from her... i would want to be told if it were the other way around...
her loss. you were a true frind. she is not.
c
Oh! This is just a terrible situation to be in. But really, what can you do? You *have* tell, even if you don't want to, and then just hope for the best.
I'm sorry it turned out so badly though. Maybe now that she's found out about the guy, she's just embarrassed by the way she treated you and doesn't know what to say?
Definitely would have told...I can't believe your friend never called after she realized he was scum...but I guess that means she wasn't a true friend and you're better off without her...or maybe it was the shame/guilt in not believing you in the first place.
At any rate, I definitely believe you did the right thing.
I would have done exactly the same thing... Hell... I HAVE done that... and like you, it stressed the friendship... I think there's kind of a "no man's land" thing there... the person you are telling is torn between the two people... and who to believe... they seem to consistently choose to believe the wrong person...
You did right!!
~shoes~
I think you should tell the friend, how the friend handles it decides what kind of friend she is.
You know, if it were my best friend, I would have done exactly the same. I would probably have slapped the boyfriend when I caught him too.
It's unfortunate that your friend didn't realise. But it's better that you could cut out an untrusting friend too :) xx
wellllllllllll i dunno... it just kinda does place you in an awkward position :(
but you are a good friend!
I'm so a Monica!
Anyway, this is always a bummer when this goes down, but you should comfort yourself with knowing that she probably thinks well of you now...tools always show their true colors eventually.
It depends on how close of friends I was with the person. If she was a good friend, then I'd absolutely tell her. If she was more like a friend of a friend or something, I'd keep my mouth shut.
wow. if i was in your shoes, i would tell her. and then i would be sad about the backlash. i always wonder why girls turn on each other before they turn on the guy.
If she was a close friend, yes, I would think that I'd tell her. Because, really, who reacts like that? Is shooting the messenger how people naturally respond in these situations? My girlfriends know me as a practical person. My life is uncomplicated, and I guess I would hope that, if such a situation were to arise with one of that, that she would believe me given my track record. Then again, that's a tough thing to swallow. And if it were me on the receiving end...I might be in a bit of denial, too. But I would still remain friends!
I don't know eh. I'd feel it wasn't my place and also I am petrified of females and their reactions (despite being a female myself).
I'm a die hard Friends fanatic, too. I would have definitely told Rachel if I was in Phoebe's shoes (so much nicer to pretend :P), but if Rachel would have acted all immature and insecure about it, then I wouldn't have given two shits. It's understandable if you don't believe a friend who tells you that your bf is a douchebag, but to actually point fingers at her and treat her like a bitch is something else.
Besides, you have to be really dumb to believe your boy over your girl. (Depends how long you've known the girl for, though).
I would definitely tell :-)
wish you all the best for pregnancy and baby stuff.. Hope everything goes well and you be back soon.
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