Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Fool for Love

A friend of mine called me up a couple of days ago to tell me that she got back with her ex. Normally, I'd be delighted with a news like that. This time however, I wasn't.

My friend had been technically dating her boyfriend for 2 years now. I said 'technically', because theirs was a tumultous on-again, off again roller coaster of a relationship. They'd be lovey-dovey for 3 months then the guy would pull off his cold shoulder act and disappear on her. Two months later, he'd reappear and begged her to take him back, and they'd be together again. Another three months later, he'd do the same thing he did before, then another two months, the roller coaster relationship continues. And on and on, it goes.

So... why does she keep taking him back?

I'm still searching for the answer. The truth is, I'm completely clueless! I mean, she's a pretty and sweet woman with a graduate degree! I'm sure she can date any guy she fancies. He, on the other hand, was a total jerk, had no permanent job and a guy I wouldn't exactly call attractive (but then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder). On top of that, he CHEATED on her! To me, he's the embodiment of a woman's nightmare!

Now, I know love is blind and all that crap, but seriously, it can't be that blind!

The first time they got back together after they broke up, I asked her if she's happy and when she said yes, I was happy for her and I was supportive. But now, even though she says she is, I can't be supportive anymore. How can I, after all the things the guy put her through? She definitely needs to wake up and face reality!

Okay, I do know that women can be a fool when it comes to love. How many times have we heard the phrase ' She's a smart girl...until she fell in love.'? Honestly, I've been there, done that. I once dated a guy who called all the shots in our so-called relationship, and like a fool, I put up with it. My only excuse was that I was really young and extremely naive! We would go out, then I wouldn't hear from him for a few days until he'd decide he wanted to see me - for which I'd drop everything, just to be with him. That went on for a few months, and during those months, my self-esteem was at its lowest. Deep down, I knew I was being a fool yet I was too powerless to resist. Looking back, I don't think I was even really in love with the guy. I was just infatuated! Yet, there I was, acting like a love-starved fool! And same as what I'm telling my friend now, my own friends were telling me he was a jerk, but I wouldn't listen. I guess it's usually easier when you're on the outside looking on the inside... you can easily differentiate the rights from the wrongs. But when you're the one in the situation, it's usually a different story. You turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to everything else, and choose to believe what you desperately wanted to believe. I did wake up one day, and told myself I had enough. I was tired of the roller coaster emotions he was putting me through, and decided to break it off. After that, I vowed that I would never be a fool for love again.

And since then, I never was.

What about you? I wanna hear stories.


Lisa said...

Yep, as a teen... luckily, most of my adult life I was married to my soul mate. :)

I have a 60 year old friend that continues to date women who are all wrong for him. The worst of all of them he went back to for like 2 1/2 years. We were all supportive for the first 2 yrs. After that none of us could take her anymore... lol.

Same guy is now re-visiting a relationship with an ex-wife. They seem happy but the breakup was the worst I've ever known (think War of the Roses). We shall see.

I guess all I can say to you is be supportive and honest as best you can... it's a sticky situation for sure!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Fool for love-that's me! I was married for 12 years to the world's biggest LIAR and cheater and I didn't know about it until the end. Lucky for me he is gone-but not completely-we have kids. as for now, lets hope that I have learned from my mistakes and take those lessons. Yeah, I think I have learned-albiet the hard way.

Leon Basin said...

Hello, How are you?

Nivedita said...

love isnt about having someone goodlooking and making sweet is that which lets u expand but doesnt let go of u :)

adlibby said...

It's hard to watch friends go through that. I guess it's easier to be objective from the outside looking in. And nobody wants to hear that you don't approve of their beloved. I took one girlfriend to the hospital after her boyfriend nearly broke her jaw -- still, she quit speaking to me when I told her "enough was enough and he's bad news".

Love your blog!