Restlessness

My mother told people when I was a kid that I'd grow up to be a restless person. This was based on an observation that I couldn't sit still when I was a baby, and that even when I'm supposedly resting in her arms, my feet were still in constant motion.

As it turned out, she had never uttered a truer statement.

Here I am several years later, definitely a restless soul. I don't know why but I always have a burning need to feel that my life is in a constant motion and not settling into a routine. I crave change and am so scared of getting stuck in a rut.

My husband used to tease me about the dreams and plans that I seem to constantly make. It took him a while to realize that I needed to make them to feel that I have something to look forward to. Even when my life seems to be the picture of perfect contenment, I still feel the need to know that my life will continually progress. The worst part is, I'm so restless I can't wait for the plan to come true so I can make another one.

Believe it or not, I always have a five-year plan.

I did come to realize, however, that things don't always go according to plans. Especially as you grow older and things become more complicated and out of your control.

When I was younger, it was easier to follow them. Go to one of the best universities in my country and get a chemistry degree in four years... check. Pass the licensure test in a year... check. Teach for four years... check. Go to a graduate school in US... check.

Although I can still put check marks on most of my dreams now, they don't always follow the path or order I set them to. Somehow, someway, other things happen and I needed to take a detour. I know that's how life is, and I'm very spontaneous when it comes to small things -like where we're gonna go for a vacation, what we'll be doing that weekend, etc -, but when it comes to life-altering plans, I take them so seriously, I just feel the need to plan ahead. And sometimes, it can get frustrating when the plans that you make don't always happen the way you planned them to be.

Allow me to explain.

After Hubs and I got engaged, I made a five-year plan. We were gonna have two weddings, have a baby, buy a house, then have another baby... in that order. But then, the US economic downturn happens, and for fear of the instability our jobs, we decided to forgo a big wedding here and just go to the courthouse and get married earlier. Then comes the first-time homebuyer's credit for people who wanna buy a house this year, and so we decided to buy one, and again, move our official wedding in my country to next year. However, I didn't feel like waiting for almost two years (after the big wedding) to have a baby, and so two months ago, we started trying to have one. So far, we're not having any success and I'm becoming frustrated. I know I just need to be patient, and believe that God will give him/her to me when the right moment comes. All things happen for a reason, right?

Anyway, enough of my silliness. I haven't blogged in more than a month and yet here I am, talking about my frustrations. Actually, most of the time I'm very happy. Married life is everything I hoped it would be. My husband is wonderful and amazing! I love him more every single day. Last week I celebrated my 30th birthday, and I came home to a dozen rozes, a new laptop and the sweetest card ever! He took me to a dinner/dance cruise and had a blast. Honestly I can't ask for a better husband. The last four months have been the happiest of my life. I won't say it's always easy (what is, anyway?), but it's been great most of the time.

I do apologise to all my bloggy friends for being a slacker - especially to AD who wrote me a sweet note of how she misses me during my absence ( I have such great bloggy friends!). My job is taking a lot of my time these days (I work in research so I have to come up with innovative products to stay competitive in our business), as well as our house-to-be and baby (",) project. And also, to be honest, I feel like my mind is in a blog rut. I have topics to right about, but I can't seem to start. I think I might have found the inspiration to write again, so hopefully my blog friends won't abandon me.