The Art of Giving Compliments

I love being a woman. And like majority of women, I take care of and take pride in my appearance, and enjoy getting compliments for it. There are times however, when a compliment’s delivered in a lewd and creepy way, that it loses its sweet intent.

Allow me to explain.

There was a guy in my apartment complex who tells me I’m beautiful. The first time he said it, I was kinda flattered. The second time, I still was. But the third and fourth time, I started to get annoyed. Especially when he started coming out of his apartment whenever he sees me come home from work! Eventually it freaked me out completely, I looked at him point blank and asked sarcastically, ‘Is that the only sentence you know?’

A year ago, when I started a job in PA, I became friends with a married co-worker. He was the shy and quite type, so I thought he was completely harmless (apparently, I still have a lot to learn!). Since I was new in town and didn’t know a lot of people, I let him lend me a helping hand. In the midst of it however, he started coming on to me. He told me I’m pretty, and in the beginning, I just brushed it off as a pleasant observation. He told me I have beautiful eyes and I still tried to think it was no big deal. But when he (a married man!) told me he liked me while trying to grab my hand… that’s when I drew the line! I got mad and scathingly said, ‘I tried to be your friend. But as my friend, you don’t get to tell me I’m pretty or I have beautiful eyes, you don’t get to tell me you like me, and don’t ever, ever try to touch me again!’

There’s nothing more irritating though, than being hollered at or getting catcalls from construction workers or passersby in the street. Even though these guys shout what were supposedly compliments, to my indignant ear, they sound more like unpleasantries. Call me prude, but being hollered at triggers my feministic tendencies and makes me feel like a piece of commodity with the sole purpose of entertaining men. I usually turn deaf ears but there are times when I had to brace myself as I was so close to shouting, ‘eff you!’ as a response.

To me, sincere, flattering compliments are those delivered in a classy way without any ulterior motives. I was in an elevator on my way to my hotel room after a conference in Virginia, when a cute, early 30s guy got on the next floor. At the corner of my eye, I saw him surreptitiously glance at my direction a few times. He got out of the elevator ahead of me, but before he did, he gave me one last look and casually said, ‘You are so pretty.”. As simple as that! No motive, just stating a casual observation! But enough said. My day was made.

But there are no compliments I love more than the ones I get from BA. Who cares what other people think? In the end, it’s only the people you love and YOU (what you think about yourself) that matters.