Life's Past Chapters

A guy I dated before BA called me up a few of months ago. He told me he's dating a new girl - and it's pretty serious.

But. There's a But.

He thinks he's still in love with me.

My first reaction wasn't of thrill. I don't feel anything for the guy anymore. In fact, I don't think I was ever in love with him (and I never told him I was). I might have liked him at that time but that's all to it. We only dated for three months. (I have my 'dating rule of 3's'. It takes 3 seconds to know if a guy is attractive enough to go out with, 3 dates if a guy is a fling/dating material and 3 months if a guy's a long-term boyfriend with possible hubby potential.) I actually felt a little bit sorry for the poor girl he's dating. Pledging your love to somebody while pining for an old flame, to me, is parallel to cheating. Physically, you might not be doing it, but emotionally you are. And it's as dreadful.

A week after Ex-fling called and a day after I watched The Notebook (for the nth time on DVD) a horrid thought occurred to me. What if in my relationship with BA, I'm the Other Girl, and BA actually had a past love he can't seem to forget about and continues to pine for? Although I knew he's head-over-heels in love with me, as I am to him, there were times when I'd feel pangs of jealousy over his previous relationships. It came to a point where we'd do something and I'd seethe, thinking he had already done it with someone else. He reassured me that I am the love of his life and that he's never felt as happy as he is with me, but wrapped up in my occasionally hormone-clouded mind, I stupidly wished he waited for me.

And then, common sense hit me in the head. I gotta stop my craziness. The way life goes, unless you date a guy who's in his late teens or early twenties (which I tried and as expected, turned out to be a lousy kisser), or a slightly older but unattractive guy (who I'd never date), there's no chance you'll be with someone who doesn't have a past. And it's not like I didn't have a past either. I did too, so it's hypocrisy to wish so.

Everyone has a past. We can't change it, but we can definitely put them behind us. In fact, we should be grateful because it is what helped shaped us to be the persons we are today. Our experiences taught us to be stronger, wiser and better at dealing with current relationships. Whenever I look at past relationships now, I look at them as preparations for the real thing. Practices for the real deal.

What I have with BA is what I believed to be the real thing. The past is just that - the past. I am his present and his future, and that's all that matters. I can't spend my life worrying about his life before he met me. We have the future to look forward to and we have the rest of our lives to strengthen our bond and make our love a one true love.