Why is it that the more you want something, the more elusive it seems to you?
I've never wanted something in my life before as much I do now.
I desperately wanted to have a baby.
My husband and I have been trying for five months now, and so far we haven't had any luck. I know I should just relax and wait patiently, but as much as I try, I couldn't. It's easier said than done. I go through a roller coaster emotion of having so much hope, and then feeling crushed whenever I realize it's not happening that month. And then, as if the world wants to taunt me for wanting it, I see babies and pregnant mothers everywhere. My co-worker's wife is expecting twins, my friend in Michigan just gave birth, and even my teenage cousin, who's definitely not ready to have a baby, is having an accidental pregnancy.
And as time goes by, I become more and more worried and scared. I go through a slight depression once a month when I get my womanly thing. But...I won't give up. I have faith that one day, he or she will come. Becoming a mother is really very important to me. I don't know how I'll react if I find out we can't have at least one child. In fact, as terrible as this might make me sound, I broke up with a guy I used to date when he confessed to me that he can't have kids. He understood though, and let me go. He and I knew that if I ended up with him, I might be happy in the short term, but I'd be unhappy in the long run. (Maybe this is my karma? Please God, no!) I just would never feel fulfilled. That's how motherhood means to me.
So my blog friends, please pray for for me and my husband. I need your prayers and support.
I've never wanted something in my life before as much I do now.
I desperately wanted to have a baby.
My husband and I have been trying for five months now, and so far we haven't had any luck. I know I should just relax and wait patiently, but as much as I try, I couldn't. It's easier said than done. I go through a roller coaster emotion of having so much hope, and then feeling crushed whenever I realize it's not happening that month. And then, as if the world wants to taunt me for wanting it, I see babies and pregnant mothers everywhere. My co-worker's wife is expecting twins, my friend in Michigan just gave birth, and even my teenage cousin, who's definitely not ready to have a baby, is having an accidental pregnancy.
And as time goes by, I become more and more worried and scared. I go through a slight depression once a month when I get my womanly thing. But...I won't give up. I have faith that one day, he or she will come. Becoming a mother is really very important to me. I don't know how I'll react if I find out we can't have at least one child. In fact, as terrible as this might make me sound, I broke up with a guy I used to date when he confessed to me that he can't have kids. He understood though, and let me go. He and I knew that if I ended up with him, I might be happy in the short term, but I'd be unhappy in the long run. (Maybe this is my karma? Please God, no!) I just would never feel fulfilled. That's how motherhood means to me.
So my blog friends, please pray for for me and my husband. I need your prayers and support.
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6 comments:
Ahw, Love, that must be such a difficult thing to go through. It's so unfortunate that the women that want to BE mothers, the ones that will be GOOD mothers, are sometimes the ones who have to wait a little longer, work a little harder. Meanwhile, the ones who aren't ready or don't want kids seem to get pregnant so easy.
I am hoping for you, wishing for you. From the little I know, I think you will be a great mother. Your baby will come, try not to worry.
Love & Hugs.
Bambola x
Being a mother...no scratch that- mom, is one of the hardest jobs ever, but one of THE most rewarding!
To soon see your heart walking on the outside of you makes what seems like a painful wait worthwhile.
thanks for following :-)
awww, hon, i know how you feel. we tried for 11 years to get pregnant, ended up adopting 2, then suddenly out of the blue had 2bio kiddies one after the other! please dont think i am saying it will take that long... that isnt my intention, i just wanted to share a few details cuz i have been there. yes, you live month to month on that emotional rollercoaster, up and down... hope and defeat... it will make you an emotional mess. have you tried seeing a dr. to see if physically you have any problems or barriers? i'd say to look into an infertility workup if you havent conceived in a few more months. they want you to try for a year prior to looking at infertility. also you can be taking your temp every day at the same time, if it rises then drops, that could be when you are ovulating and should call hubby home for sex! hah! yep, dont be surprized if you both start to feel like baby making machines rather than the romantic sex there used to be! once you look into infertility, you will know which path to take and they can help you with that.
i hope and pray you can have your baby... i trust that it is always in gods timing and he has a reason for everything. we were told we could not conceive after many tests and many trials. i even took clomid! we had to accept what we were given, and it got to the point for us, that we wanted to be parents so badly, that it no longer mattered how our baby came, just that he/she did. in looking back on my situation, the two we adopted were definately meant to be with us. we were content. satisfied. felt so blessed. then out of the blue i became preg. twice in a row. we were given waaaay more than we hoped for. and we love them the same, there was NO difference in my love for the 4 of them. none.
i have heard of many parents that it happened like this for them. only time will tell. but whatever happens, is what was meant to be for you. let it go for now. place your dreams in gods hands and let it go. it will be hard but you can do it.
validate your own grief and all your sadness and raw feelings at those times you are longing to be a mom, when you see friends having babies, baby things in store windows, etc... be joyous for them all, because your turn WILL come and your reward will be sweeter because you have no envy or bitterness in your heart.
this scripture was what i used as a mantra while we were waiting...
"trust on the lord, be of good courage and he thall strengthen thy heart... wait, i say, on the lord."
hope it helps you honey.
i can feel it in my soul that your dream will come true. do what you can and then let it go....
c
i so wanna be mommy now. it really aches me to see you like this and hence dearie my prayers are with you :) soon she/he will come... bless you
you are SO welcome! us sistahs gotta stick together ya know. besides, we need all the support we can get at times like this, and i wish someone could have told me these things... bless your little baby craving hearts, it WILL happen... and i am here if you ever need anything...
chris
hugs
Praying for U..
Hope you get what you seek for..
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