Firsts

Life is a thousand miles journey that begins with a single first step... thus goes the saying. I began mine twenty- nine years ago. It started with a first step - a step out of my mother’s womb and into her and my father’s loving arms - but it was a succession of numerous firsts afterwards. First disappointment, first dance, first step to independence, first kiss, etc. I got a long list. Being a restless person, I need to feel that my life is in constant motion and not settling into a routine. I crave for change. I always wanted to experience, explore, LIVE LIFE! Though I confess to being, at times, a drama queen with a flare for histrionics and sporadic depression attacks, my life doesn’t exactly have the makings of a soap opera. But in my quarter of a century existence in this world, I feel fortunate to have experienced various firsts which made my life not just a simple journey but an adventure. To me, at least.

First taste of being a student. Though my memory of being a five-year old child on her first day of school is a little bit hazy, my parents’ love for reminiscing about the past gave me a more vivid idea of what it was for me. I was brimming with excitement, not only because I’ve been dying to learn my ABC’s, but also (actually more) because I was finally able to use my new school bag, show off my colorful pencil case, and look forward to recess. Today, exactly 24 years and one month from that day, I‘m a working girl… but still looking forward to recess.

First admirer. I hated him. It was nothing personal, I just hated boys at that time. It seemed to my innocent, nine-year old mind that their idea of having fun was making fun of me. Little did I know that it was their way of getting noticed. I should have been flattered with the attention, but I felt embarrassed by it. And my classmates’ teasings only served to fuel my embarrassment, thus turning me into a snobbish drama queen. He’d slip love notes in my books and I’d rip them in front of him. He’d annoyingly follow me on my way home and I’d cry and childishly say I’ll tell my father to scare him off. He gave up only after we graduated but I did learn to cope with him and other boys without being melodramatic.

First graduation (grade school graduation). One of the most memorable days of my life. I felt like a celebrity, sitting on the stage in my lovely, new dress and basking in people‘s congratulatory remarks. And though my knees were shaking terribly I could barely walk, I somehow managed to deliver my valedictory speech in front of hundreds of people. My parents’ faces radiated with happiness and pride and it gave me a blissful feeling.

First crush. I was 13 years old when it finally hit me that guys were actually interesting. I became attracted to this gorgeous guy who has kind eyes yet manly image. It was nothing serious and we never formally met, but for the first time in my life, I felt my heart flutter and turn to mush whenever he smiles at me.

First step to independence. After 15 years of living with my family, I left the ‘nest’ to pursue a bachelor’s degree in chemistry at UP. I was overflowing with excitement. I got my long time dream of studying in the country’s premiere university - and I’m independent, at last! Don’t get me wrong, my parents were wonderful, but like most teenagers I wanted a shot at living on my own - with no one to tell me what to do, what’s right and wrong and all those stuff. I soon realized it wasn’t all fun - when the novelty of the situation wore off, I began to miss my family and long for home. But it was the start of my new life. I felt that I grew up suddenly and became more mature and independent.

First ever date. How would you ever forget that time you spent countless hours trying on different dresses and deciding which one to wear? Or practicing your speech but ending up tongue- tied when you’re finally in front of your date? I‘d never! Although the guy I first dated wasn’t someone I was very much into, I wanted to make a great impression. And though it wasn’t a perfect date, being a sentimentalist, I made sure I imprinted every detail in my memory - from the songs playing in the restaurant to our moonlight walk when he took me home.

First job. Graduating from college and getting your first job is like closing one chapter of the book of your life and opening another. You enter a new world - a world of professionals, and leave the world of a student behind. You’ve became independent - financially and emotionally. I was 19 years old when I graduated and got my first job - a college instructor at UP. Nothing actually changed that much - I had a scholarship with monthly stipend in college so I had always been financially independent, and I wasn’t leaving the student life behind since I was continuing my pursuit for higher studies- but I felt that it was the true start of my journey to a bright future. Though it wasn’t the job I originally wanted , I learned to love it. I realized that nothing was more rewarding than seeing your students look up to you with eyes that shine with respect and appreciation for what you’re doing.

And of course, one of the perks (if not the main purpose) of working is getting your paycheck. With my first salary, I bought a walkman I kept alive for several years for sentimental reasons.

First trip away from the country. No words can adequately describe what I truly felt that day. It was an assortment of emotions. Part of me - the sentimental part - felt utterly melancholic. I was leaving my family - the people I loved most in the world, and my country - the place I called home for the past 24 years of my life, behind. I wasn’t sure how welcoming US would be or how I’d cope in a strange surroundings with unfamiliar people. It was, in a way, scary. Yet another part of me - the adventurous part - was brimming with enthusiasm. I was on my way to pursuing my dreams and experiencing a lot of many firsts. First plane ride, first foreign trip, first taste of a different culture and first love…

First love. As Einstein had wondered, “how on earth are you going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomena as first love?” Falling in love for the first time beats all kinds of feelings. It’s as if you’re looking at the world with different eyes, suddenly realizing how colorful life could be. It hit me rather late in my life. Having been brought up by parents who constantly remind me to give utmost priority to my goals, I was contented establishing a career and focusing on my dreams. I did go out on dates but I never met anyone who made an impact. Just then, this guy came into my life and my world turned upside down. For the first time, I realized I was capable of passionate emotions. It was like being in a heck of a roller coaster ride - one moment I felt like I had climbed Mt Everest in sheer happiness, the next, it was as if I had plunged into Mariana’s Trench rift of depression. We broke up in the end but it was an experience I wouldn‘t trade for the world.

First heartbreak. After a heartbreak, you wonder how could you go on living, how could you survive, how could God allow you to experience such pain, and would you ever find love again. I asked all those questions after I had my heart broken for the first time. I shed buckets of tears for a few days. But then, as though a light suddenly shone on me, I just decided to stop moping and move on with my life. I had so much to live for so I’ll go on living, I’ve always been a survivor so I’ll survive, and God allowed me to experience the pain so I’ll emerge stronger and wiser. Yes, I’d find love again, and I did… and it was sweeter the second time around.

It’s been almost 5 years since that first trip. And it was an eye -opening experience. In a span of 60 months, I experienced all those firsts… and more… much more. I found friendships in people from other countries. I got an apartment I could finally and proudly call my own. I learned to cook, do laundry and say ‘No’ more firmly. I received my Master's Degree and landed my first US job. I met the true love of my life (BA) who showed me that love knows no racial or cultural boundaries. Honestly, I’m still not sure where my journey of life is leading me. But wherever it might lead, one thing’s for sure: I intend to live life to the fullest. I’m almost halfway through my list of firsts. It’s still a long way to go. First cruise to Europe, first business, first house, first baby….. the list goes on. Sometimes I get scared, but I know life is about taking risks and experiencing new things. You won’t get very far if you find comfort and remain cosseted in the arms of familiarity. Some things might not turn up the way you expected, but it’s part of the learning process. After all, Bill Gates started with his first computer, and even Tiger Woods had once been a neophyte. Take a risk. Embrace change. Take that first step to wherever…